A photo of Jackson Square in the French Quarter of New Orleans

Reasons NOT to Move to New Orleans

Thinking about relocating to the Greater New Orleans area? Pause right there! Before you take the plunge into this enigmatic city, it’s only fair to warn you about the “risks” involved. New Orleans isn’t just any city; it’s a heady concoction of history, music, flavors, and celebrations that might just be too much for the faint of heart.

For those brave souls undeterred by these warnings, fear not. 1 Percent Lists stands ready to guide you through this “hazardous” terrain, ensuring you find the perfect home amidst all the “chaos”. But remember, you’ve been warned!

Overwhelming Audio Assault

You know that pleasant silence that you occasionally enjoy in other cities? Well, you can bid that goodbye when you set foot in New Orleans. Here, the very atmosphere throbs with a cacophony of mesmerizing melodies. From the soulful strumming of a street guitarist on Bourbon Street to the foot-tapping beats of a full-blown brass band at Jazz Fest, the city ensures you’re always in the middle of an impromptu concert.

Forget about seeking solace in quiet corners; even the gentle breezes whisper the tunes of jazz and blues. The audacity, right? Some say the Crescent City’s air has its own rhythm. So if a silent, dull life barren of live music is what you crave, you might find yourself woefully out of sync in New Orleans.

A bowl of New Orleans style red beans and rice surrounded by Mardi Gras beads

Too Much Flavor in One Pot

The nerve of New Orleans, right? Instead of offering a simple, unseasoned lifestyle, the city tosses you into a tumultuous pot of diverse cultures. Here, centuries of French, Spanish, African, and Creole influences mix so seamlessly, you can’t tell where one ends and another begins. Just walking down the streets, you’re bombarded with an array of languages, traditions, and the echoing footprints of yesteryears.

If the “hassle” of experiencing rich histories, multifaceted traditions, and diverse backgrounds is your idea of a nightmare, brace yourself. The city’s burdensome past is evident in its enchanting architecture, lively dance forms, and intoxicating music. Why couldn’t New Orleans just be plain and predictable like everywhere else?

Dangerously Delicious Dishes Everywhere

Prepare your palate for a perilous journey if you dare to dine in New Orleans. This city has the audacity to offer a menu that’s less of a list and more of a challenge. Whether it’s the tempting gumbo teasing your senses, the mouthwatering jambalaya jumping onto your plate, or the beignets that beg to be bitten — you’re always at risk of a flavor overload.

And let’s not even get started on the po’ boys that promise a punch of taste with every bite or the crawfish étouffée that cruelly captures your culinary heart. With every corner turned, a new gastronomic temptation lurks, threatening to delight your taste buds and ruin any aspirations of a bland diet.

In the treacherous territory of New Orleans, every meal is a minefield of delectable dangers. Consider yourself warned: here, resisting temptation is a full-time occupation!

Pesky Historical Buildings Blocking Skyscrapers

Just when you thought New Orleans couldn’t get any more exasperating, enter its stubborn commitment to history. Everywhere you look, instead of gleaming modern skyscrapers, you’re confronted with these infuriatingly charming historical buildings. They’re like that relentless ex that keeps popping up, reminding you of a bygone era.

Take the French Quarter, for instance. With its 18th-century townhouses flaunting intricate ironwork balconies, it’s a constant “eyesore” for those craving contemporary concrete. Or the St. Louis Cathedral, standing tall and proud, refusing to make way for another glass monstrosity. 

And oh, the Garden District! With its antebellum mansions and ancient oaks, it’s a neighborhood that dares to scoff at the very idea of modernity. Truly, it’s a wonder how anyone navigates this city without constantly tripping over relics of the past.

If you dream of a skyline made purely of steel and glass, the audacious authenticity of New Orleans might just break your modern heart.

A Mardi Gras parade

Endless Parade of… Well, Parades

Imagine this: You’re trying to have a regular, humdrum day, and then bam! You’re thrust into the middle of yet another vibrant parade. It’s almost like New Orleans and its suburbs just can’t help themselves. Around here, it seems that there’s always an excuse to break out the floats, toss some beads, and dance down the boulevards.

But wait, there’s more! Just when you think you’ve seen it all, along comes Mardi Gras, the crowning “inconvenience” of them all. Think intricate costumes, boisterous music, and an endless stream of celebrations that ensure your calendar is as colorful as the streets. And the audacity of the city to embrace tradition and revelry so unabashedly!

For those aiming for a life of monotony, beware. The infectious energy of New Orleans, with its seemingly endless calendar of festivities, might just pull you into the dance.

Nature’s Nuisance and Those Troubling Views

Some cities are content with just urban sprawl, but not New Orleans. Oh no, it has to go a step further by flaunting its maddeningly picturesque natural landscapes. Every which way you turn, there’s some breathtaking vista rudely interrupting your view.

Take the Mississippi River, for instance. There it flows, day in and day out, with its shimmering waters and serene banks. And if the river wasn’t distraction enough, along its course you’re accosted by lush parks and pathways, insisting on a peaceful respite. The audacity, truly!

Then, just as you’ve braced yourself against the river’s allure, you stumble upon the bayous and wetlands, with their hauntingly beautiful cypress trees draped in Spanish moss. It’s like nature’s own theater, demanding your attention.

So, for anyone seeking a concrete jungle devoid of natural distractions, brace yourselves. New Orleans, with its relentless beauty, may just prove a tad “overwhelming.”

New Orleans is Way Too Unpredictable

Ah, the predictability of a routine – the comfort of knowing exactly how your day will pan out. Sadly, in New Orleans, predictability is often thrown out the window. Just when you’ve planned a simple, quiet day, the city decides to surprise you with yet another spontaneous celebration.

Stumbling upon pop-up dance-offs, jazz sessions materializing out of thin air, and those pesky neighborhood block parties – it’s all in a day’s “work” here. And just when you think you’ve got a handle on things, the infectious rhythms and joyous shouts beckon you to join in, turning your humdrum plans upside down.

Seeking a consistently boring day? You’re in for a tough ride in New Orleans. The city is essentially that friend who, without warning, drags you into an adventure when all you wanted was a quiet evening at home.

A row of homes on a New Orleans street

Final Thoughts on Moving to New Orleans

There you have it, folks, the undeniable “challenges” of living in New Orleans. From the unstoppable beats demanding you dance, to the dishes that threaten to hijack your taste buds, to the pesky historical buildings and nature’s audacious beauty – it’s quite the ordeal. 

But let’s set sarcasm aside for just a moment. With its vibrant culture, mesmerizing landscapes, and deep-rooted history, there’s a reason many call New Orleans not just a city, but a feeling. For those who crave a life bursting with color, rhythm, and soul, there’s truly no place like it.